Do you know who I am 2!

You meet a few minor celebrities every now and then as a doorman and when I was working in a nightclub last year we happened to get some of these folk meeting and greeting customers.  

We had some guys from the tv programme Geordie Shore in one night well I think it was Geordie Shore it could quite easily have been Made in Chelsea, can you tell how much it grabbed my interest!  I was only aware that we had one celeb in and, not watching the show myself I thought I'd best google a pic of him so I knew who I was supposed to be looking after!  I needn't have bothered though because he was so orange from overtanning he stuck out like a sore thumb, he seemed a nice bloke and was very polite and thankful which was a pleasant surprise.  

We barriered off the raised 'gallery' area of the club and he had his own little party going on with plenty of girls queuing to get his attention, after a while though the head doormanc who was enjoying being up there amongst all the young girlies, came to the entrance and told me to stop letting anyone up now as it was getting too busy up there.   So I started turning people away at the front, now em people want to do something in a club and you stop them they're not impressed, it doesn't matter that you can clearly see how busy it it, as far as they are concerned you are solely responsible for ruining their night and they will tell you that!  I must have been there for ten minutes or so when a tall, wavy haired pretty boy came up to me to go up and join the party.

"Sorry fella its too busy up there at the moment." I told him.

He looked irritated and then said, 

"Don't you know who I am little man?"

Little man?  Really?  Is that a good idea to say that to a doorman?  You twat.  Yep I thought all the above and then said

"It's just too busy up there mate."

"Don't you watch tv, don't you know who I am?" Came the condescending reply from the man. 

I noticed the heavy tan and the penny dropped that he must be with our minor celeb, he certainly had the attitude for a male diva!

I leaned forward and spoke in his ear

"No I don't know who you are, and in six months time no one else will either, now wind your neck in and be a bit nicer, it gets you further."

Not a word came back in reply, he actually looked like I'd been the first to tell him just how short lived his career was likely to be!

Tools of the trade?

No I don't mean weapons that's not allowed although I have seen my share of knuckledusters and gloves with sand filled knuckles!  

I'm referring to the items you can buy to make your job a little easier and safer, from the top down there's the obvious hat in winter if you're allowed to wear one because believe me it gets chilly at 5 am on a winters night!   Then of course there's as decent earpiece as you can afford, preferably an in ear type as there's less chance of background noise, there are skeleton type earpieces and over the ear types but I'd only use one of these if I was going to be outside all night.

Venues should also provide earbuds and in some places I'd say wear them all the time as I'm sure some of the noise levels are crazy high and you do tend to spend a lot of time very close to speakers as these are typically situated to provide good sound coverage, this also means chances are high they are also in good visual vantage points of a venue.  There been plenty of times when I've been home for hours and my heads still been banging with the noise of the club I've been in earlier!

Never wear sunglasses on the door, for one if you get hit you're likely to damage your eyes, for another you look totally unapproachable, and like a tit.

Clip on ties are a must and should be provided by your door company or if you freelance then make sure you get one!  It's a lot harder for someone to grab and choke you with your own tie if its not attached to you!   This also brings a little humour every now and then when someone grabs your tie near some stairs ...... The pause of realisation as their face registers the fact that they're gonna fall is quite comical! 

Thermals, top and bottom in winter if you're outside because again it's bloody freezing sometimes! 

Overcoats, 3/4 length "crombies" are fantastic for keeping warm in winter and I think look very smart over a black suit too, make sure you get one that fits well and you can still move quickly and freely in it if necessary!   Unless you happen to actually be Wesley Snipes never, ever wear a 3/4 or full length leather jacket on the door, you are not Blade and you look like a tit!

Gloves, I prefer long leather ones to minimise the wind coming up your sleeves in winter but make sure again you get a pair you can actually grab someone in if you need to, there's nothing worse than losing grip on someone to have them run away or worse, hit you!

Footwear,  I tend to get into the same habit of looking after my feet, after all its rare for a doorman to get a sit down at work so you can spend long periods of time walking or standing in one spot so a good strong pair of boots with ankle support is highly recommended, ankle support particularly so as its easy to jar or sprain your ankle when dragging someone to the door who doesn't want to leave!   I prefer to wear 2 pairs of socks, a thin and then thicker pair to keep warm and allow my feet to breathe, if its going to be a long hot shift I quite often use a foot powder in my socks first, may sound strange but after 6-8 hours in a hot club in boots I'd rather have dry rather than sweaty feet!

On top of this there's a few things you can get to help you, first and foremost?  A pen and notepad, when an incident happens if you write the details straight down it makes reports and dealing with things easier and looks more professional to the public and police alike.

A UV light on a keyring, cheap as chips and perfect for checking ID's for the "watermark" only visible under Ultraviolet light.

A torch, a mini maglight will do nicely and makes it easier to check ID's and check areas of the floor when someone inevitably loses something!

There are other little bits n pieces I've seen over the years but these are the ones I've stuck with myself as they've helped me out, there is one final item I'd like to mention I just hope no one ever needs to use it, a stab vest, there are certain areas and venues which are extremely dangerous and if you're working or thinking of working in one of these then definitely give it some consideration, there are many types out there and I myself have worn one on many occasions after being stabbed in the arm and hand, it's not a nice thought but its very little financial outlay for something which could potentially save your life.

What happens when a tazer doesn't work!

Thankfully none of the following happened on the door I was working at, I was in Scarborough at the Blue lounge bar listening to the council run CCTV operators following a frequently violent man well known to the police.  He had made one of his random appearances in the town centre and had proceeded to start a fight in the first pub he'd managed to get into, presumably the door staff there didn't know or recognise him but when they had gone to remove him he'd beaten both of them up!   I listened as a member of bar staff was relaying what had just happened to the CCTV operator who acknowledged that he had the man on camera and he was following him as he walked into town.

I could tell from the radio chatter that he was heading in our direction so began to lookout for him in the distance.  Luckily police units had been notified and as I caught sight of the man they were just passing my door.  As soon as they stopped near him he became immediately aggressive and went for one of the police officers, the other jumped on top of him but from what we could see he just seemed to be beating them back!   Two more police units appeared, one came past my door and the other from the far end of the street, presumably in case he decided to run but to be honest he looked like he was enjoying himself!  

This made 6 police officers surrounding him and we could hear an officer shout that he was going to tazer the man unless he stopped,  his response? 

"Come on then!!"

We heard the officer warn him again then the man moved forwards so the officer shouted tazer a few times and we saw the man bend over sharply, he then stood back up with arms out screaming "aaaargh!"   And went straight for the copper who had tazered him!   

We could see a huge scuffle unfold and after 30 seconds or so the man was back on his feet with his back to a wall shouting every name under the sun at the police!  Then the strangest thing happened, he looked at the police in front of him and shrugged his shoulders and shouted "I'll make it easy for ya!"

Holding his arms out wrists together ready to be handcuffed!   It felt like an eternity before two of the coppers moved slowly forwards and cuffed the man who was now as calm as anything!   I dunno maybe he just got bored but I'm glad he didn't head our way first! 

A bit of a bio and why I do this job!

That's a question that the answer to has changed quite a lot over the years.

At first I was angry, I mean really angry, I'd had a hard childhood with a father who'd mentally tortured me for years as well as beating the shit out of me when he deemed necessary, couple that with days spent at school in Scotland being from England by birth meant the hatred was pretty deep from a lot of people and bullying was rife, including some of the teachers!  I started doing martial arts but to be honest the hold my father had on me was so strong I didn't stand up for myself for many years.  I tried to move away but that didn't work so in a fit of rage walked into the recruiting office of the local infantry regiment and joined up! Not the best move given my mental state but I'm old fashioned in a lot of ways and I still think military service should be mandatory in this country, I mean look at the Scandinavians, they still do it with exceptions for university and certain jobs etc, they seem to be a pretty happy, and definitely prosperous group of countries and more importantly, the people are nice! 

But I digress, I'd been away from home for a while at this point and still hadn't faced up to my father but I'd changed into a very angry young man, I didn't stay in the army which was probably for the best although I've wondered a few times what would have happened if I'd made a career out of it.   I moved back to Newcastle where I'd made a few friends and met a girl who's family had connections to nightclubs and a door company, there's a blog entitled my first night on the door where I basically got the shit kicked out of me but because I'd got stuck in to help another doorman who was on the ground, I was in.  This was my new family as there's a bond between doormen, more so the older school guys.  The guys really were your brothers in arms in the real world where we could say and do pretty much what we liked, and did.  

So then I loved it, fighting every weekend and getting all my adrenaline out and seeing my fathers face with every guy I hit.  And I'm ashamed of myself for that and have been for quite a while.  

I came home from work one night early and caught my girlfriend in bed with my flatmate, I may have done something violent, to him not her and called her dad who I was friendly with to come get her.  I decided to move back to Yorkshire having last lived here when I was 10 and wanted a fresh start and also wanted to see my grandma who I missed very much being the only family member I ever felt close to, I think it was her influence that first led to me stopping wanting to fight all the time and look for something else instead.  Unfortunately if you're a doorman it's a hard job to give up sometimes when the phones ringing and money is on offer, so it wasn't long before I was back at it in Leeds but this time not so in the mood for a fight, I'd started to see what happens to people when they got hurt and it had started to sink in what I'd been like before.  I still enjoyed the job but almost treated it like a day at the office for years with people being amazed at the situations I found myself in, but as the saying goes its amazing what you can get used to!  

So by this time I was a career doorman rising area manager level and being head doorman pretty much every place I worked.   Bizarrely this period in my life was probably the worst for me personally so I threw myself into my work, running doors first in Scarborough then Brighouse then Scunthorpe.  It was here I reached my limit with certain doormen and as I had moved around so much I felt very unsettled so took a break from the doors for a while to try and get myself back on track.

That phone always rings though and I soon found myself back on the doors but this time with no interest in being a head doorman anymore, by this point I'd seen and experienced first hand some of the nastiest things that can happen to and around a doorman so my perspective changed quite a lot.  I discovered that when I helped people, as I'd always tried to do when possible, I really got something out of it, as in it made me feel good to help someone or protect someone who needed it.   There's no better feeling than stopping a bully and throwing him out or helping a girl who's been grabbed inappropriately,  they don't always thank you but when they do or their friends come up to you remembering how you helped them its truly an amazing feeling.  

That's the answer now to why I do this job, cos believe me I actually hate it these days and know I'm coming to the end of my run but what keeps me going?  Helping people who can't or are too scared to help themselves, that's what.  Why do I put myself in harms way every week?  Well if you've ever known someone normal and nice who's got hit on a night out for no reason then that's why I try and help, if they get hit it may mentally scar them for quite a while so better me taking a knock than them, after all with no sense there's no feeling! 

Does being a bouncer affect your social life?

Well that's another one of those questions I've been asked many times over the years.  The short answer is Yes! Of course it does!

Before anyone starts or decides to keep working as a doorman for any length of time you need to remember the strain that comes along with working such late, unsociable hours.  Sure many doormen make the most of it but you do find yourself socializing mostly with people in the same industry as yourself due to lack of options as when you finish work at 04:30 am you're kinda limited for the social aspect and nearly everyone is mortal drunk except for the other people who've just finished work too!   

It's not just the late nights either as making plans for the following day means the mornings are usually a write off too.  So be under no illusions this line of work means you'll be regularly going to bed when its daylight and getting up in the afternoon!

Leading on from this though is the strain and toll being a doorman can take on your relationships too, I'm 35 and still single with no kids and although I can't blame it all on the doors it has certainly been a major part of why I'm still on my own!   Sometimes it's ok when you start dating someone and they don't mind you being a doorman, but quite often girls realize quickly that you're gonna see and speak to, other girls!   Shock and horror there and the questions begin, only once have I ever dated a girl who never questioned me about the doors and wow, I'd got so used to having to answer questions that when they didn't come I almost wanted to check she was ok!   Then there's the gossip which, for me at least, has destroyed several relationships I've had, sadly the gossip in my case came from other doormen who knew nothing about my personal life but still decided to stir and spread rumors.  That's something that's happened to more than one doorman I've known, and even after you hear it if you do anything about it at all, you'll be in the wrong, I had to tell one guy I knew "ten men Ben" to come get in the ring or shut his mouth as after a while it kinda gets to you and he'd done it twice over several years causing me no end of hassle talking about stuff he knew nothing about!  

Then there's the stress of taking the job home with you, I knew one doorman who used to watch Disney films to wind down and play Judo to get the aggression out, worked for him but I'm still trying to find my outlet! 

Of course a lot of doormen haven't done the rest of us any favors by being complete and total womanizers their entire career, and yes whilst having a wife and kids at home!  We're not all like that of course but sadly it's a stigma that gets attached to you as long as you do the job, I mean I've had people saying to girls I've dated that because I'm a doorman, it'll never work.  Great thanks for that!  And people wonder why we get angry sometimes, maybe it's just because we hear the same shit all the time regardless of whether we've done anything or not! 

Skanky girls

Now I'm not gonna just sit here and slag girls off as I'm well aware men are just as bad but some of the things girls do and say are just shocking.

I'd easily say that some of the most viscous fights I've ever seen are between girls and sadly I've witnessed more that one girl hit another in the face with a glass or in some cases high heels!   An angry girls high heels can seriously injure you or someone else if she stamps on you foot but I have seen a girl take one off then try to stab another girl in the head with one!  

Hair pulling, scratching, spitting and screaming, there's a reason it's called a cat fight and just seeing one and the evil in the eyes is a scary thing!

Some girls use their sex as a weapon making false accusations and not giving a damn about the consequences regardless of whether an incident was their fault or not or whether the doorman who pulled you off someone actually did grope your boobs or did nothing of the sort!  I knew one doorman who was accused of just this but luckily the CCTV brought a swift end to this thankfully, crying wolf isn't cool in fact it's pretty disgusting especially to people nasty things really have happened to!

The most shocked I've been was when a girl came onto me, 

"Have you got a girlfriend?"

"Yes I have"

"Oh well fuck her off and fuck me tonight she'll never know"

Words escape me.

The same girl who said this to me also blanked me some years later when I tried to be polite, two minutes later she was in a fight and screaming for my help!  

I'd like to say I turned a blind eye but I didn't, well only for a few seconds anyway! 

Maybe it's my age but I live in Yorkshire, where we have 6 months of rain and six months of bad weather, so why girls don't take a jacket out sometimes is crazy to me, especially as jackets are clothing and therefore should be fashionable as well as clothes are?  But no, every night into three or four am you still have girls stumbling to the front door wearing next to nothing and shivering as their exposed stomachs and legs scream for warmth!

How to work a door

Firstly I wouldn't dream of saying I can teach you how to work a door because the truth is I can't, the only person who can know if you can work a door is you, and you won't know that until you're tested.   It's all very well saying you can look after yourself and to comment on how easy the job looks a lot of the time, but could you really do it?  Many people comment that all we do is stand around and talk to people all night. Well for one its our Job to stand around and increasingly it's also our job to represent the venue by chatting to customers so we appear more approachable and put people at ease more.  This is all well and good but it takes years of practice to look at a room and read the people in it, and even then you miss things, I've also been told by an old school doorman that it is indeed a skill in itself to be able to chat away to people whilst still looking around and monitoring the area.

That brings us to my main point, the kickoffs, when a proper fight starts and people are trying to hurt each other it's your job to stop it, and how you deal with it and the injuries you sustain whilst doing so will determine whether you can keep coming back and doing it again because when its real and in your face very little can prepare you for the anger and aggression heading your way. 

Size means nothing and it does become a case of, it's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.  

Plenty of young lads get their licence and then think its fun times and easy money ahead, a great deal of these guys have never stood in harms way before and must genuinely believe that drunken customers will show them respect and do as they are told, oh what a shock some of them get!   

It's not a requirement of being a doorman but it sure helps if you have had some sort of physical training, I mean what makes people think they can physically stop someone or fight someone if they have to with no experience at all?  Military experience is of course the best as you can't get much more real life than that and receive serious hands on training as well as being physically fit.   

Rugby is one of the most common sports doormen used to play as its pretty close to how a scrap on the door can go down and involves plenty of hands on grappling and struggling against others body weights.

The martial arts offer vital instruction on self defence and a wide array of techniques that can assist you on the door but be wary, a tiny slip can be in some cases lethal so unless you practice a move so much your body knows how to react I wouldn't bother, you'll only end up in court defending yourself after being charged! 

Tech on the doors

Technology for the most part has greatly assisted us in the safe running of many doors and many problems can be avoided simply by having a city's CCTV operators monitor the situation and make that fact known!  After all even the drunkest of idiots knows that whoever throws the first punch is the usually the one who gets charged.

The use of radio communication is now part of most venues licences and rightly so, I've worked venues with none and relying purely on being noticed when a fight kicks off in a busy, darkened bar isn't a nice feeling!  I've been in venues when the radios were so bad we used to walk around with our thumb over the speaker to feel the vibration of someone transmitting because the earpiece socket didn't work.   Earpieces themselves have improved greatly although still pick up a great deal of background noise making it difficult to understand transmissions on occasions.  A way around this is to buy a throat mike as they're known which pick up the vibrations from your voice box through your throat, unfortunately unless you have a high quality or rather an expensive one they do tend to make you sound like a robot and are just as difficult to understand! 

In one venue I worked in Scarborough we had a panic button built in to the radio so if we heard a loud beep we checked each doormans static location and if they weren't there, that's where we charged to!  Crude but effective and better than our previous method of using hand signals!

Some venues CCTV was diabolical with grainy black and white images and in some cases delayed recording, this meant that the camera would take a picture every half a second or so which, when played back would flicker as you viewed it.  This system actually saved a doorman I was working with from potentially getting charged one night as he was on the front door of a bar and was getting a lot of aggravation from a young man who wanted to come in, after what seemed like an age the doorman lost his cool and when the young man was in range let fly a quick right straight which sent the lad flying backwards.  Out of order of course and when we looked at the CCTV, because of the delay and the speed of the punch all you can see is the lad in the doormans face and then he's not there anymore!  Lucky escape for him and probably a contributing factor into why they had to be improved!  

Local authority operated CCTV is vital in assisting the police and doorstaff track offenders and just people who shouldn't be let in anymore, we regularly use the system to inform other venues about people who have caused us problems to help keep the real idiots out of everywhere they can cause trouble or hurt people. 

Of course the system is only as good as the operators who monitor it and for the most part do a fantastic job but sadly some of them must think they're watching a tv show instead of real life as they don't seem to understand that when we ask them to monitor our door and ask for police assistance and then stop transmitting, it means we can't!   I've sat there myself and listened to the operator try to raise the door in question and then start slagging them off for not giving him more information!   Sometimes you just bloody can't and if whoever you're dealing with see's you on a radio can attack you without warning because I've been there too.  I understand they they have rules and directives they have to follow but common sense must surely take precedence sometimes in the interest of everyone's safety!   I should mention at this point that there are some fantastic CCTV operators out there and I knew one in particular who used to stay an extra hour after his shift finished, just so he could give us help if we needed it at a particularly troublesome venue, top notch there.   I do remember on one occasion I had an idiot on my front door and the doorman I was with was doing a check inside, I had to put the lad down and before I could reach for my radio I heard the street radio as we call it crackle to life "not sure if you can hear me but I was monitoring that idiot I've got a police unit on the way to you now!"  Cheers buddy and a quick thumbs up to the camera.   

When using a radio you should always check your transmission and receiving capabilities, this is the same for the street radios and when I'm feeling particularly jovial I do like to sign off with a 

"Spank you very much control, this is ...... Signing off, good night!"

Why people think we're arses ... These days

Well primarily I'd say it's because we tell people what to do and as far as most people who've had a drink are concerned, doormen are just people like them and have no right to tell them anything.  Or that's what they truly seem to believe.

I've had people say they're going to bring a policeman to me and have him make me let them in!  Good luck I say and well done for wasting police time, lets get it straight right from the start, we can refuse entry to anyone at any time and we DO NOT have to give a reason.  We usually do of course and for the most part we even try to explain to people what they can and can't do, quite why people think they can have a slash in the road in front of me and then come in is beyond me but then I'm sober I suppose! It's the same with age and dress code, it's a busy Saturday night so you walk the queue checking ID's saying over 21's tonight folks, to be greeted by ID's saying 18, I mean do you think I can't read or do maths?   And when I say not quite the right dress code for a Saturday night there guys, to the kids wearing faded t shirts and crappy trainers, I don't mean explain to me how much your t shirt and trainers cost when they were new I mean put a shirt on and make an effort! 

When the sign says no sportswear it means exactly that, and what's wrong with it like?  As I'm frequently asked, because you look like a chav that's why!

Not long ago four young lads were coming in on a Sunday night and I was on the front door listening to their conversation, the entry fee was £3 each so £12 in total, they had exactly that between them and couldn't understand why I wouldn't let them in!   It ain't no youth club or cinema and if you can't buy a drink then either you're gonna steal one or drink water, we don't want thieves inside and one drinking water is fine, but 4? I don't think so because once again people forget we're also here to help the venue make money!

My first night on the door

Well at the time I was seeing a girl in Newcastle so was living in the area and thinking of staying if I could find work.  Back then most door companies were owned by slightly dodgy blokes shall we say and the girl I was seeings family was related (by marriage) to one of these guys, her dad had seen me in a scrap or two on a night out in the 'toon centre as its called or the big market for the locals and said I'd kept my cool and handled myself well so recommended I go speak to "big tony" as he was called.   I'm six foot and was about 13 stone (82kilos) at the time.  Now that's fairly sized and athletically built but back then size was everything and smaller doormen really had to prove themselves to the big boys.

Tony wasted no time in commenting on my weight or lack of it and said he hoped I could get stuck in to make up for it but with Dave saying I was ok he'd give me a go this Friday night.

Champion.

I really didn't know what to expect with my first shift I arrived and was told to back everyone up and they'd watch mine.  

Keep my mouth shut and do as I was told and they wouldn't tell me they'd shout it because we didn't have radios.

Not knowing any different I did as I was told for the first few hours then was left on my own watching part of the dance floor.  It was getting close to the end and the crowd was thinning out so I could see the other doormen easily when one suddenly rushed towards the front door, moments later the other guys started heading that way too so I followed suit thinking it best to keep with the team, I half jogged through the entrance corridor to the front reception area into the Wild West.  

I found out afterwards that the front door had been rushed by a group of men who'd been turned away and it had got nasty straight away which had led to the first doorman running straight there, that being the signal for everyone else to follow suit, guess they hadn't expected it, after all there's only so much you can learn in one night so they hadn't told me that.  The only thing I did know was I had to get involved somehow so I rushed forwards to help a doorman I could see wrestling with a guy in the street, the only thing was I hadn't checked around me first and went into the street blind, straight into a man swinging a baseball bat!   That's right folks back then in city centres people used to go out, tooled up as they call it, from what I hear in Liverpool it's Stanley knives so glad I've never worked there! 

As I charged forwards the bat came swinging and I went right into its path blocking it with my forearm, and head. 

I was knocked out for the count and incredibly lucky not to have been seriously injured not just by the bat but also for being unconscious in the middle of a fight!   My forearm had a massive bruise and I could hardly lift it and I had a cut right in the middle of my forehead which I still bear the scar from to this day, I had a tennis ball sized bruise there at the time, concussion and felt like shit to be honest I remember throwing up a few times later that night which only made my head hurt more!  

I was covered in blood as head wounds tend to bleed a lot and as one of the lads was helping me into an ambulance the guy who'd been wrestling in the street came over and shook my hand, I hadn't helped more than a distraction but I'd tried and that was good enough for him.

Old school means very little these days but the respect you win on the door can never be taken away from you and just trying to get stuck in and wanting to do it again was enough for them to accept me and start the long road of learning to be a doorman.

Licensing and changes over the years

Well times have changed a lot regarding who can and who can't work on a door, in fact the whole security industry has had a major overhaul over the last decade or so.

When I first started on the door there were no background checks or exams it was quite simple, someone you knew worked on the doors or knew someone who did and and had told them you could fight!  They would ask if you fancied trying it so you suited up and shouted at anyone who was carrying on and fought and dragged out anyone who kicked off usually bouncing them off every door on the way.  You kept your job if you worked well with the guys and the venue owners liked you, you lost you Job if they didn't or if you lost a simple fight.  That was pretty much it, get on with people and don't lose!  Or don't lose to a normal one on one fight or you'd probably be gone as no one would want to work with you!

Then for me as I lived in Yorkshire you had to pay for your own criminal background check and go to the police station and you'd essentially get a laminated card with your photo and a number on it, I'm assuming it was just to make sure you weren't a murderer or anything because little changed about how we worked the doors until the government decided to licence and regulate the security industry.

At first it was a total shambles as you'd expect to be honest with a ridiculous amount of paperwork and background checks which In some cases didn't work!  The turnaround for your licence was supposed to be short but my first SIA (security industry authority) badge took six months to process!  I've no idea why as some were within weeks and some took ages for no apparent reason as I had no problems with my background in any way.  

One of the big rule changes about who could and who couldn't get a licence was whether or not you had any convictions for violence in the last six years which i know sounds sensible but you have to remember what industry we work in!  Violence was and is a massive part of the Job and I knew several doormen who could no longer get licences because they had assault charges against them, more often that you'd think though these assaults were not necessarily started by the doorman in question so you did have some great doormen who'd kicked a punter out and got into trouble for it due to lack of witnesses usually and they couldn't work a door anymore, a great waste.  Couple this with losing some of the real hard men out there, again because of violence at some point, great you might think don't need them on the door.  The trouble with that is these guys are now out drinking on a weekend not sorting the fights out and getting told by their 18 year old wannabe replacements that they've had too much to drink!  A recipe for disaster there!

The strangest thing of all though was the complete lack of physical intervention as it's called now, I sat through four days of tedious health and safety (common sense) related waffle that most of which we all joked at.  I mean there was a room with around 25 experienced doormen in it being told by someone who sounded like a geography teacher what was now expected of us at work and for the most part it seemed as though we all had to be school corridor monitors! 

Sidenote here .... I was told by the "geography teacher" that NO ONE had failed the course yet and this was six months into the scheme sorry licensing.....

Needless to say most of us were not overly impressed with this as we knew it was just another way the government could get some money out of us as the "course" and licence were around £500 if memory serves.  Of course when we questioned this at all stages we were told that these new licences were like gold dust and any front line operative as we were now termed could name our price! What a load of bollocks, when I started on the door 15 years ago I got £10 per hour and for the most part that's pretty much still the standard rate, less tax and insurance which is now deducted by your door company.......

Over the last 6 years or so the SIA turnaround has improved and the course is far more relevant and slightly cheaper I think, in fact at one time if you were unemployed the Job Centre would pay for your badge so you could get work and this had a disastrous affect on my sector of the industry as a massive influx of licensed "people" appeared, and if you needed extra door staff then the licence was crucial as it was written into all premises alcohol licences that SIA licensed staff had to be used and if you were caught without a licence prison time was threatened and has happened to some!  This just meant we had to sort through all "people" and find the ones we wanted, some folk didn't even finish a shift without shitting themselves seeing a fight with sober eyes and this led to a lot of extra stress at work for us!

Now we have more powers on the door but still have to be very careful how we exercise them as the American suing culture has hit the UK big time.  I know of one instance when a man hit someone in a club and the assistant manager told a doorman to hold him until the police got there.  This is totally legal as long as the police are called as soon as is possible, unfortunately in this instance the assistant manager dealt with a bar issue before calling the police, so the man was detained for around half an hour, the result?  The DOORMAN was arrested, charged and is serving prison time for false imprisonment.  Serious times and door staff have had to change with them so knowing the law and your part in it is key now, as well as being polite, patient sympathetic and everything else that's required of us, I'm sure stopping people getting hurt should be closer to the too of the list though!

Finally the present day, where the SIA licence is in full swing ..... Until at least 2015 I think I last heard then there's ping to be a change, oh joy.  

Now nearly all door companies are required to pay door staff's tax and insurance for them, just so the government can make sure they absolutely and positively account for even more money I mean they want to know where every penny goes don't they so gone are the days of earning a few extra quid on top of your normal job folks that'll be extra tax for you!  Fair enough say many people why shouldn't they pay more tax, cos the wages haven't gone up reasonably that's why!  Don't for one second think that this is a well paid profession, it used to be but for the most part and with licensing bringing competition between companies your average doorman takes home around £8.50 per hour after deductions and for the violence involved its just not worth it to a lot of the old school guys so one by one they're going, I just hope their replacements don't get hurt too much that's all!

Women on the door

Careful on this subject Dan some of the girls involved may read this!   Back in the day there were very few female doorstaff and you'd be forgiven for thinking some of them were male!   The reason there were so few was that old school doorstaff had more than their fair share of fights and generally men tend to want to do this more for a living more than women, of course there's no less violence these days but with more female doorstaff being present the lads who are fighting are quite often reluctant to hit a woman and this fact can be used to good advantage in many situations.  Sadly this doesn't always work and I remember removing someone by his feet years ago for punching a female door woman, would I have reacted the same way if it had been a male member of staff?  Actually, probably yes I would but that's just me some of the guys I worked with that night wanted to do a damn sight more than just drag him out the hard way I can tell you!

In my opinion this is probably the biggest drawback of having a female member of doorstaff as, some, men tend to instinctively protect women around them and I've seen a female member of staff get hit in a fight and have two doormen stop dealing with their attackers to help her, commendable in one way but in all honesty unless she's been bottled or something equally as bad which would also incapacitate a man then helping her was just dangerous as those two attackers could easily have kept going and made a bad situation much worse, we get hit in this line of work and when you're part of any front line team hesitation can be extremely dangerous, better a black eye than bottle in the neck.

There are a few things you just can't do if you don't have a female member of doorstaff, chiefly of these being searches as the law states same sex searches only so if we suspect drugs we'd have to detain the individual and wait for the police, in most cases this doesn't happen as we're far too busy to use the time of a doorman to detain someone we suspect of casual drug use so normally we just ask them to leave but this too can obviously cause problems!

Male doorstaff can't go into any female bathrooms without a female member of staff present either, unless something serious is happening of course but of you're only suspecting something then it's hard to hide a doorman in a female toilet, people generally realise something's up!

It's an incredibly hard environment for a female to survive in and even harder to earn the respect of both their peers and the public and I'm proud to say I know a few who have done just this, you'll always hear tales of a female doorwoman being useless or overaggressive and a lesbian, well there are useless doormen too and if you've just had your ass kicked and dragged out by a woman you should probably think of a better comeback than to call her a lesbian, you're only embarrassing yourself more and if she's straight and overaggressive she's only gonna kick your ass again and believe me some of the girls I know can do just that!

The things people say to get in

Well all I can say is that alcohol must really stimulate the creative side of people's brain because some of the utter drivel you hear on the door does make you laugh.  

It's almost as if people really don't think we hear the same lines every weekend cos believe me, we do!   I love the girls response to why they're stumbling, most say its because of their heels, some have said this however, when they're barefoot!

The most common response to a refusal or even asking if they're ok cos they seem a little fresh has to be "are you serious?"  I'm literally asked this week in and out and sometimes I must say I want to commit murder when I hear it when I've just tried to be nice!  It's as if people have an attitude replacement that means doorstaff are to be ignored and everything they say needs to be questioned, it's getting pretty irritating to a lot of us who long for the old days when people just did as they were told a lot more and if they questioned you, you knew they wanted to fight you!   It was pretty much cut and dry back then and the arrogance of some people is unreal I mean I stand there saying goodnight to people only to be totally blanked, nice eh. But I digress, again.  

"I'm fine" is another common comment when talking to customers, unfortunately this is usually said as they are having trouble standing up or in some cases, barely coherent! 

"Come on mate, don't be a dick let me in"  Speaks for itself really I mean swear at me whilst asking to be let in?  I don't think so.

But the absolute worst is the guy who tries to buy his way in, I'm not just talking about the drunk with an outstretched £20 in his hand, no I mean the arrogant ones who think just because they have money they can do what they like.

Not that long ago the assistant manager of a nightclub I was working in pulled me to one side, he'd just seen someone urinating in our smoking area which is bad enough but the fact that it was open and had customers in was even worse!  He wanted to be sure who it was as he suspected it was a local "rich boy" part of the next generation of wealthy kids turning 18 and starting drinking, not someone you want to accuse without absolute proof as it could cost the venue lots of money if incorrect and he took offence and decided not to come back.  We checked the CCTV together and it a positive ID, yes it was the lad he suspected it was so I located him, once again in the smoking area and approached him to ask him to leave.  At first he denied it, categorically stating that it wasn't him, it took me saying look I've just watched the CCTV and unless you want to be slapped with an £80 fine from the police I suggest you leave, and because you're blatantly lying to me you can stay away for a few weeks too, start of next month you can come back.   

Well he left without a fuss but came back the following week, he was just being ushered through by one of the promo guys on the front door when I stopped them.  He offered to pay a fine to us so he could come back in but I knew that that would mean nothing to him really, he'd only left without an argument because I'd said I'd involve the police so I stood my ground and said no amount of money could buy his way back in before the end of the month as what he'd done was disgusting and he'd lied about it! Tail between legs he left, score one for doorstaff!

What's the worst thing I've seen?

Well that depends on how you look at worst and what you consider to be just part of the job or shocking behaviour.  A lot of people say, oh you get used to it but in reality it's amazing what you can get used to!  Verbal insuslt's, physical threats and assaults, pretty much a standard weekends work in most venues either inside or more often on the front door.   

Probably the worst thing I saw inside a venue was in Scunthorpe where groups of young men were commonplace when I worked there and fights broke out with alarming regularity.  On one evening a group of Polish lads had singled out someone to pick on from what I can gather and in seconds they surrounded him and attacked, I mean there was about ten guys pounding on this lad obviously doing serious damage straight away.  When the call came over the radio we charged into the centre trying to protect the guy who could barely stand and was bent double as a doorman tried to help him.  The group circled us but stopped and didn't attack us, one guy however decided that he didn't care we were there and ran in kicking the helpless guy full on in the face exploding his nose showering blood everywhere and sending the lad flying backwards, myself and one other doorman pounced on he attacker as he came in again relying on the rest of the door team to watch out backs, I don't know why but the rest of the group started to disperse, I don't know maybe they realised their friend had crossed the line as their victim was totally unconscious on the floor in a pool of blood, not a pretty sight I can tell you.

We took the polish lad down a fire escape to the nearest exit and I don't mind admitting that I used Him to open the fire door with, I can't stand bullies and what he'd just done could have killed someone so I had just enough time to slam him into the door which burst open straight out into a police unit, arrested and charged.

As for the front door it wasn't actually anything to do with me or my venue, I was in Scarborough at the Blue Lounge one Boxing Day and witnessed a full on street fight break out in front of me!  Back then Scarborough was extremely busy on bank holidays and Boxing Day was usually just crazy, one year over 7000 people came through the bar during the day!   I've no idea how it started but the streets were filled with drinkers in a variety of states all day and suddenly two guys were fighting right across the street from me then everyone seemed to join in!  I'd say around 30 people were full on fighting in the middle of the street for no apparent reason!  What did we do?  Radio the towns CCTV operators and close the bloody door that's what!

So you think you can work a door?

Well can you?  Because these days it takes more than just being able to fight and stand your ground, in some cases new doormen can't even do that!  Last year I was working at a lovely pub in York and let me tell you, it was one of the easiest doors you'd ever hope to get, sure you're in the city centre and that's not the best for avoiding trouble but when your pub is a family friendly good home cooked grub with cask ales type of place, you can talk most undesirables out of even wanting to come in!  

Sadly though while I was there it was a two man door and nearly every person they sent us was bloody hopeless!  

A couple were nice and good doormen/women but sadly they only did a few cover shifts, and the rest?  Wow is all I can say, this isn't a slagging match as a few or all of the people involved have access to this and will probably agree with me!   First there was Mike, a nice lad and done the job for years, trouble was he was old school and bloody lazy by his own admission!  Still a good guy though wish he'd pulled his socks up!  Next was Andy, self tattooed and no idea why he worked the doors, shop security yes but the real world? I'm amazed he made it though puberty to be honest.  Then was Jack, wow is the best description, very young and probably quite intelligent but for some reason thought a little rugby experience meant he'd be able to be a doorman, a nice lad yes but after two shifts even the pub owner, a former doorman himself, sat him down and told him he thought he'd be better suited to finding a different job because he was gonna get himself hurt!  I mean he was hopeless and I wish him all the luck in the world but I just hope he's not still on a door somewhere!   Finally was Cameron, again a lovely lad and I've seen and heard of him standing his ground against a few big lads but sadly just nothing to him to look at, I mean proper skinny, he worked shop security during the days and was as keen as anything on that I'd heard him on the town radio and he clearly took it seriously but again I hope he's off the doors or has taken some serious martial arts training!

Doormen and Viagra ....

Well we're big kids after all so years ago when Viagra started to become commonplace a few of the lads may have been, ahem, spiked with the substance before a shift!   We learnt quickly to never accept a cup of tea or glass of water from anyone for fear of finding it hard to walk and in some cases I've heard of blue vision!   One doorman I knew decided to start talking it, not because he needed it but because it made it bigger!  So in his mind if he took it often enough then the skin should stretch and he'd always have a big cock! I think he's still alive but I'm grateful to say I don't know the results of said experiment! 

Last year though I found out that one of the meeter's and greeter's where I worked took them due to a high sex drive, and age I'm assuming.  He would quite often pull a girl and arrange to meet her after work and I remember one night seeing him take his magic blue pill just as we were finishing.  A few of us had decided to go for a quick drink when we finished so he'd allowed for this and planned to be away with her within half an hour.  An evil plan began to formulate as I positioned myself within arms reach of him in the bar and then began to talk, as he checked his watch I just smiled and blocked his exit saying,

"Oh I don't think so it should be kicking in about now shouldn't it, I think you're staying out a bit longer!"

I told a few people around us what I'd done so we kept him where he was until it was obvious he wasn't gonna find walking easy!

ID and the lies therein

Well they vary from the giggly white lie to the blatant whopper!   The most common is probably about age or how much they think they've had to drink!   When ID'ing people it's a good idea to ask their age as well as checking the date shown as you'd be surprised how many kids will lie and expect you to just look at the picture, not the date!  Some will even argue the point so convincingly that on occasion I've even doubted my maths!  

Quite recently I confiscated a fake ID from a girl who decided to start insulting me and my professionalism stating that her ID was a brand new type and it was disgraceful how I didn't know about it as it was my job to be aware of changes like this and how much of a hassle it was going to be for her to collect it from the police station.  I mean this girl was so convincing that she deserved an Oscar and did at one point made me question my decision in my head and I had to remind myself that Northern Ireland is actually part of the uk and the licences are the same!  Also it had no hologram when I used a UV light on it and looked cheap and nasty!  Needless to say when I showed a policeman later he didn't really need to take it! 

Of course the biggest problem with ID's I'd say isn't the fakes, they're easy to spot and most places I've worked only accept passports and driving licences, and not clipped passports either, there's a reason they make you change the picture after ten years so if you can't travel abroad on it then what makes people think they can use it to buy alcohol? Bewilders me sometimes.  No the biggest problem in my opinion is siblings, there are countless brothers and sisters out there who look so alike it's easy for a 17 and sometimes 16 year old to steal his or her siblings ID and then pass for 18!  After all why wouldn't we accept it they know all the details backwards, forwards and if they're really clever they'll take a bank card too so even if we check the names match on cards in their wallet it purse it's all legit as far as we can see!  I caught a girl out in Harrogate recently when I happened to be walking through the town centre one day and saw a girl I recognised from the club I work in, the trouble was she was wearing school uniform!  Now when she was out and with makeup she looked old enough bit you'd check her ID just to be sure so I made a mental note and, the next time she came in I checked her ID in the queue, it looked so like her but said she was 19? Still in school uniform?  Even a sixth former wouldn't be that old!  After challenging her on this she said I must have seen her sister in town who looks very similar to her, sadly love I said, With the hairstyle you have you'd have to be twins.  She left and didn't even try to ask for the ID back, one more to send to the DVLA and one more underager caught out!

Gay night in York

Well it's definitely different being a straight guy and doing security for a gay night I can tell you!  

There's a bar/club in York called Blue Fly which used to have a gay night on a Friday evening in the club, trouble wise there's very little usually just putting up with the bitchiness which is free flowing believe me!  I've never heard as many nasty little comments in my life as when I've stood on the front door there and listened to the conversations going on! 

On one night we had a few comical incidents which spring to mind starting with the two straight guys who were just in the bar downstairs.   The only toilets are on the top floor of the club so this couple of friends decided to go and use the cubicle to listen to some white powdered angels if you know what I mean!  The only trouble was they went in together right when I decided to take a leak and check the toilets.   The radios we had were useless but I used it anyway to let the guys downstairs know I'd caught two guys doing drugs and we were coming down, this was more for their benefit than mine, after all they weren't to know that the lads probably hadn't even heard me because they so badly needed servicing.  I issued my usual straight out the door guys and we'll leave it at that warning which worked fine, right until they got to that invisible barrier on the front door that makes some people freeze.  The first lad looked quite rough if I'm honest and just happy to leave with no fuss but his friend was a bit more well groomed, and cocky. 

"What if we weren't doing drugs?  What if he's my boyfriend, can we stay then? He ventured.

I didn't even have time to answer before his mate turned round and slapped him in the face! 

"We were doing coke!, don't you call me a puff!" He shouted as he stormed off down the street!  

Later that evening there was a fight inside, I use the word fight loosely but from what I can now gather was that one of the lads in a group had not liked another talking to some other guys so he'd half punched, half slapped him!  Real schoolyard stuff and certainly not doing the stereotype for young gay lads any good made worse when we escorted the offender out.  He left fine and walked off but left half a dozen skinny, whiney and just wet lads talking about the situation.  One ventured his opinion to me in a high pitched camp voice, 

"We'll you don't need to worry about him fella, and his boyfriends still upstairs, he's a bit upset but you don't need to worry about him either, and him, there walking after that guy, you don't need to worry about him either."

Something in my brain actually melted I think as I said

"I don't need to worry about any of you, you're all 8 stone wet through will you just go back inside please!"

Of course to a group of gay guys that was amazing because as one they replied "ooooooo!"

I sighed as they spoke quieter and started to move to the entrance and started to roll myself a cigarette to subdue the irritation when the lad who'd spoken to me noticed and said in a camp sarcastic way,

"Smoking on the door?  That's not very professional is it?" 

I looked him up and down, he was wearing trainers with camouflage trousers and an Ultimate fighting T-shirt, the only problem was he was literally 8 stone and looked ill, I mean borderline smack head territory!

"Sweetheart you're wearing army trousers and a cage fighting t shirt and clearly have never done either so big bag of shush for you yeah?"

No comment and he went inside!

The police and how they vary!

Now first and foremost this is not a slagging off of the police force, or service or whatever the politically correct term is as you're reading this more of just a few bits n pieces.

For the most part I've worked alongside some fantastic police officers over the years, I was chatting to a sergeant when I first went to Scarborough and told him how I really noticed how they worked with us and he commented that its so busy in Scarborough sometimes that there's limited police and doorstaff so if we didn't work together it wouldn't work.  So refreshing to hear that when I've personally dialled 999 in one other area asking for help the police never came, sorry but it's just a fact it's only or area but massively disappointing.

Again that's not to say other areas the police haven't been amazing towards us obviously Scarborough for one but also up in Newcastle when I first started on the  doors things were a little more, shall we say tasty, and self defence didn't come into it sometimes.

Thankfully these days in extreme situations doorstaff are permitted to use a first strike but unless you're prepared to stand in court saying and being able to prove that doing so prevented further harm coming to yourself or others it's just not worth it so you have to wait for the hit to come, back in the day thou ..... 

Well lets just say one night two lads had tried to get in the door I was on with another guy, even at the end of the street they looked like trouble and back then I was a little hothead who to be honest needed a crack to bring me back to reality sometimes!  On this occasion thou when I refused them and one guy became aggressive he tensed quickly I the spot to make me react, well I did I hit him.  Cue two mins of me and the guy I'm with putting them down and then having them lifted, sadly they decided to put all the blame on me, well it was pretty much me being overly aggressive yes but I guarantee they were the sort of guys who kick you in the head if you were down and scrapped every weekend so no biggie in my eyes.  They clearly knew a bit more than I did about the law, this is fifteen years ago and doorstaff didn't need to know the law then just be able to scrap when you had to so I could sense I was in trouble here, luckily though the officer dealing knew them and took me to one side looking me square in my eyes, nodding at me and saying "you were in fear for your life you say then?" 

Thank you very much for that, mental note made!

I did have a cheeky dig one quiet night in Leeds when a sergeant and newly badged lad were out on patrol.  I'd spoken to the sergeant plenty of times and he didn't look happy at all this night, when the new guy was chatting to my colleague the sergeant told me what a nightmare this guy was, straight arrow no life experience and way too much OCD, so in other words he was having to work properly!  The new guy was clearly pretty arrogant and didn't have much respect for doorstaff by the way he was talking to us so when he commented that he'd heard bouncers were just thugs really I smiled with a "actually we're highly trained intelligent thugs, cheers pal"

"Oh yeah?" He said, "what do you mean by that?" 

Nice, he'd bitten, time for a play.

I've always loved useless information so threw something at him,

"Well Ive had a decent education, certainly good enough to know where the word 'copper' comes from, do you?"

"Course" came the smug response, "it's from when we used to carry copper badges years ago"

I made the buzzer fail sound and reeled off "oh our survey says no!  Actually it's from the Latin capere which means to seize or 'capture',  what about something simple?  Policeman, does that mean then?"  The sergeant smiled at me but the lad cracked!  Clearly he must have known but was scared to say in case he was put down again so called me a smart arse and said come on then to his sergeant.  As they walked away I couldn't resist calling after him, "don't worry it does come from Latin too!  Politia! Polis! Greek cities mate so it's man of the city!"  I'm like a dog with a bone sometimes.

Maybe I shouldn't have said that ....

A lot of doormen don't show their fun side, some don't have one of course but most are just at work and paying attention, plenty of people have come up to me and told me to smile and asked me what's wrong, the answer, nothing at all I'm just at work!  I'll have a laugh and a joke and a sexy sidle up to an unsuspecting doorman with the best of them when I can but coming accross as a bundle of fun may make people smile at you more but we're not there for that and joking away isn't exactly off putting to any lads out for a scrap!  

That being said making customers laugh when they're not expecting you to have a sense of humour is all part of the job and you can build a good rapport with people by doing this.

Of course there's the flip side to having a sense of humour and that's being a bit cheeky and getting away with it, I've been hit in the face and replied "I've had harder sex than that, I'd fuck off now if I were you."  Not the best response but it felt right in the moment!

When you turn a cheeky goit away and they say "what's wrong with me?", I like the reply "would you like the list?"

Or in some cases "well it's just a multitude of sins really."

My best mate is a 6'3" ish DJ who looks like he's either sponsored by Nike air Jordan or has walked straight off the set of a hip hop music video.  Missing a front tooth and always sporting a baseball cap and matching sweatbands, that's not taking into account the mahoosive Ali-G coat he wears in winter, oh and he's white.  That's the truly awesome pro DJ L-ROK who once complained to me that every time he travels he gets stopped and searched!   My response to dear Russ, "look at you mate, you've gotta be guilty of something!"  I've since used that to the extra annoying on the door when required!

There's a generic response i use to the older generation who seem to always want to say, "are you going to ask for my ID ha ha."  Said deadpan I use,

"No im sorry i can't accept bus passes"

Of course there's the phrase I use to the nicer cheeky girls who come in, I swear it didn't start as a line, I said it to a girlfriend years ago and she didn't know whether to slap me or not and usually gets the same response, 

"sweetheart you're pretty, you don't have to talk." Said with a cheeky smile, and just out of range.

I also nicked a bit from an episode of blackadder which can be used to either really confuse the seriously inebriated or put down the people who look down their noses at doorstaff, when they say something they think is smart I use

"I'm sorry your confabulations are confounding me" and watch their faces twist as the brain tries to catch up! 

For the real cheeky little git who repeats everything back to you there's a scene in Red Dwarf I love, turn to your mate and say, "signs of primitive intelligence and mimicry, with patient tuition he could possibly master simple tasks!" 

As I've said, little pleasures get you though.