Tuesday 22 April 2014

A bit of a bio and why I do this job!

That's a question that the answer to has changed quite a lot over the years.
At first I was angry, I mean really angry, I'd had a hard childhood with a father who'd mentally tortured me for years as well as beating the shit out of me when he deemed necessary, couple that with days spent at school in Scotland being from England by birth meant the hatred was pretty deep from a lot of people and bullying was rife, including some of the teachers!  I started doing martial arts but to be honest the hold my father had on me was so strong I didn't stand up for myself for many years.  I tried to move away but that didn't work so in a fit of rage walked into the recruiting office of the local infantry regiment and joined up! Not the best move given my mental state but I'm old fashioned in a lot of ways and I still think military service should be mandatory in this country, I mean look at the Scandinavians, they still do it with exceptions for university and certain jobs etc, they seem to be a pretty happy, and definitely prosperous group of countries and more importantly, the people are nice! 
But I digress, I'd been away from home for a while at this point and still hadn't faced up to my father but I'd changed into a very angry young man, I didn't stay in the army which was probably for the best although I've wondered a few times what would have happened if I'd made a career out of it.   I moved back to Newcastle where I'd made a few friends and met a girl who's family had connections to nightclubs and a door company, there's a blog entitled my first night on the door where I basically got the shit kicked out of me but because I'd got stuck in to help another doorman who was on the ground, I was in.  This was my new family as there's a bond between doormen, more so the older school guys.  The guys really were your brothers in arms in the real world where we could say and do pretty much what we liked, and did.  
So then I loved it, fighting every weekend and getting all my adrenaline out and seeing my fathers face with every guy I hit.  And I'm ashamed of myself for that and have been for quite a while.  
I came home from work one night early and caught my girlfriend in bed with my flatmate, I may have done something violent, to him not her and called her dad who I was friendly with to come get her.  I decided to move back to Yorkshire having last lived here when I was 10 and wanted a fresh start and also wanted to see my grandma who I missed very much being the only family member I ever felt close to, I think it was her influence that first led to me stopping wanting to fight all the time and look for something else instead.  Unfortunately if you're a doorman it's a hard job to give up sometimes when the phones ringing and money is on offer, so it wasn't long before I was back at it in Leeds but this time not so in the mood for a fight, I'd started to see what happens to people when they got hurt and it had started to sink in what I'd been like before.  I still enjoyed the job but almost treated it like a day at the office for years with people being amazed at the situations I found myself in, but as the saying goes its amazing what you can get used to!  
So by this time I was a career doorman rising area manager level and being head doorman pretty much every place I worked.   Bizarrely this period in my life was probably the worst for me personally so I threw myself into my work, running doors first in Scarborough then Brighouse then Scunthorpe.  It was here I reached my limit with certain doormen and as I had moved around so much I felt very unsettled so took a break from the doors for a while to try and get myself back on track.
That phone always rings though and I soon found myself back on the doors but this time with no interest in being a head doorman anymore, by this point I'd seen and experienced first hand some of the nastiest things that can happen to and around a doorman so my perspective changed quite a lot.  I discovered that when I helped people, as I'd always tried to do when possible, I really got something out of it, as in it made me feel good to help someone or protect someone who needed it.   There's no better feeling than stopping a bully and throwing him out or helping a girl who's been grabbed inappropriately,  they don't always thank you but when they do or their friends come up to you remembering how you helped them its truly an amazing feeling.  
That's the answer now to why I do this job, cos believe me I actually hate it these days and know I'm coming to the end of my run but what keeps me going?  Helping people who can't or are too scared to help themselves, that's what.  Why do I put myself in harms way every week?  Well if you've ever known someone normal and nice who's got hit on a night out for no reason then that's why I try and help, if they get hit it may mentally scar them for quite a while so better me taking a knock than them, after all with no sense there's no feeling! 

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