Being scared is shit obviously but with time it can help you too, when your body is scared it's primal survival instincts kick in, adrenaline pumps through your body and your senses, and reflexes become heightened, it's all about trying to control the fear, not showing it until the jobs done and using it to your advantage.
I'm by no means the worlds best fighter, far from it, but I truly believe there's been times I've felt real fear and that's what's got me through.
I've been in a few terrifying situations over the years, I've seen street fights with over 30 people involved yards from me and I've worked doors in the past when people did come out "tooled up" as it were. The worst that's happened to me when I've been hurt is being stabbed, twice on separate occasions and luckily for me only in the arm and hand and believe me when it kicks in afterwards what's just happened to you, jeez it's not good and I don't blame anyone for not getting back on the door after being hurt.
I'm not claiming I'm some sort of better person for getting back after a kick in at all, I know loads of guys who do just the same as me and some ill respect forever after getting badly hurt then bouncing right back to carry on as normal, make no mistake folks some of the guys in our trade literally put their lives on the line for strangers for minimal pay and usually little thanks.
I've delayed enough so onto the most scared I've been, I was working a one man door In a small town called Wetherby many years ago, it was early doors so only had a handful of people inside and one young couple were having a bit of a domestic in the middle of the room.
Domestic arguments are always tricky and can turn on you really easily so I waited until it was obviously not gonna stop and was just getting louder.
I approached the couple saying I was sorry to interrupt and it was obviously personal so would they mind keeping their voices down or taking it outside.
Well the response came quick, the lad told me to fuck off and tried to bottle me!
His right hand came up and I blocked his arm as the bottle came down with my left and brought my right hand up to take the bottle and folded it back out of his hand. In retrospect I should have punched him as hard as I could with my right instead of taking the bottle as I hadn't seen his friends circle behind me.
They both grabbed my arms at the same time and pulled me back against the bar one on either side of me.
The lad smiled as I stood there trying to struggle free, drop my body weight, anything not to be In this position cos the fear hit me all at once and it was terrifying I don't mind admitting because I knew what was coming. He punched me in the face twice, luckily both times he didn't connect properly but enough to bust my lip and nose open. Next he stepped back and kicked me in the balls, again I managed to twist slightly to minimise the hit but fuck me it hurt and I was finding it hard to stand, good job those bastards were still holding me eh. He stepped back again came in with a big right hook to my temple which sent me rocking to my right hand side and the guy holding my arm let go! I let fly the biggest back elbow to his face I could and threw all my bodyweight forward into the wildest haymaker I could at the lad who'd been attacking me, believe me martial arts and discipline was out the window I was terrified and swinging out of pure survival! I connected with his shoulder pushing him back and his friend who'd been holding my left lost his grip and I half pulled half pushed him into his friend, I've no idea why I went forwards but I just put my hands out and rushed at them pushing them towards the door.
Someone must have called or radioed the police as I genuinely have no idea how long this had all taken but I could see flashing blue lights coming through the doorway and windows, I remember checking behind me to see where the guy I'd elbowed was but he was nowhere to be seen so I can only assume he legged it out of the fire escape when he saw the police. The lads were arrested and I pressed charges because I know the difference between a punch thrown in anger and someone who likes hurting people. I survived not out of skill but out of pure fear.
To this day that remains the only time I've ever received any compensation for any injuries too, £80.
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