Maybe I shouldn't have said that ....

A lot of doormen don't show their fun side, some don't have one of course but most are just at work and paying attention, plenty of people have come up to me and told me to smile and asked me what's wrong, the answer, nothing at all I'm just at work!  I'll have a laugh and a joke and a sexy sidle up to an unsuspecting doorman with the best of them when I can but coming accross as a bundle of fun may make people smile at you more but we're not there for that and joking away isn't exactly off putting to any lads out for a scrap!  

That being said making customers laugh when they're not expecting you to have a sense of humour is all part of the job and you can build a good rapport with people by doing this.

Of course there's the flip side to having a sense of humour and that's being a bit cheeky and getting away with it, I've been hit in the face and replied "I've had harder sex than that, I'd fuck off now if I were you."  Not the best response but it felt right in the moment!

When you turn a cheeky goit away and they say "what's wrong with me?", I like the reply "would you like the list?"

Or in some cases "well it's just a multitude of sins really."

My best mate is a 6'3" ish DJ who looks like he's either sponsored by Nike air Jordan or has walked straight off the set of a hip hop music video.  Missing a front tooth and always sporting a baseball cap and matching sweatbands, that's not taking into account the mahoosive Ali-G coat he wears in winter, oh and he's white.  That's the truly awesome pro DJ L-ROK who once complained to me that every time he travels he gets stopped and searched!   My response to dear Russ, "look at you mate, you've gotta be guilty of something!"  I've since used that to the extra annoying on the door when required!

There's a generic response i use to the older generation who seem to always want to say, "are you going to ask for my ID ha ha."  Said deadpan I use,

"No im sorry i can't accept bus passes"

Of course there's the phrase I use to the nicer cheeky girls who come in, I swear it didn't start as a line, I said it to a girlfriend years ago and she didn't know whether to slap me or not and usually gets the same response, 

"sweetheart you're pretty, you don't have to talk." Said with a cheeky smile, and just out of range.

I also nicked a bit from an episode of blackadder which can be used to either really confuse the seriously inebriated or put down the people who look down their noses at doorstaff, when they say something they think is smart I use

"I'm sorry your confabulations are confounding me" and watch their faces twist as the brain tries to catch up! 

For the real cheeky little git who repeats everything back to you there's a scene in Red Dwarf I love, turn to your mate and say, "signs of primitive intelligence and mimicry, with patient tuition he could possibly master simple tasks!" 

As I've said, little pleasures get you though.