Yawn rape in York

Not long ago I worked at a lovely little bar called the Blue Boar in York, it's a traditional real ale, good home cooked food type place so although trouble was unlikely, the pub is situated in the city centre so need's daytime doorstaff at the weekends to steer the teenage partygoers elsewhere till the evening!

On one Saturday afternoon it was cold and wet outside so I'd retreated just inside the main doors for a little warmth.  There was an elderly couple sitting yards away from me well past retirement age enjoying a quiet dinner together.  The old boy finished his food and leaned back in his chair letting out a huge yawn whilst doing so, with no word of warning his wife reached forwards and stuck her fingers in his wide open mouth giggling "hee yawn rape!"

Well I nearly died on the spot as the old boy spluttered and squirmed in his chair grumbling in a very Yorkshire way,

"Ya bugger ya"

His wife is still giggling away half at him half at me as the tears are nearly streaming at this point when he turns and says

"Would you mind if I take 'er outside and beat fuck awt of 'er" in the most deadpan, Zac Dingle from Emmerdale  Yorkshire accent I've ever heard. 

He smiles as Im visibly shaking, half-bent over, holding onto the door handle and manage to mumble

"Do what you like mate I clearly can't stop you!"